Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
