Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
