I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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