I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
