Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
