dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
she smelled like a LAN party
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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