next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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