Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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