i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
