So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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