The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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