U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
These tits shall not be calmed
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
