These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
