So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
