I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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