he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm passing your future prison.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
