I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
