I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
