Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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