I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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