Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Holy shit dude........stairs
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
