he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My ass is underappreciated
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
