You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
