don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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