well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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