I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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