Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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