When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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