Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
