OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
