I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
