I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
