I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
