Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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