Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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