I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
