Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
