she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
