and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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