just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
