That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
