The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
