It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
