He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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