ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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