I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
