Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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