All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
