Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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