Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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