You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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