Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
