I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
