she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
