you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
