she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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